Support for cancer patients: how to help emotionally and practically
When someone you love or care for is diagnosed with cancer it can feel overwhelming and scary – for them and for you. You may feel helpless or unsure how you can help your loved one. Providing emotional and practical support is one of the best ways you can help during this time.1 Here are some actionable ways to support your loved one as they navigate their cancer diagnosis and treatment.
Caring for emotional wellbeing and mental health
Receiving a cancer diagnosis can also be emotionally distressing, causing feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness and uncertainty. Everyone reacts differently, and there’s no “right” way to feel.1 Actively listening without judgement, and showing up for your loved one when they need you1 are powerful ways to support them during this challenging time.
Your loved one may not feel like talking or sharing their feelings surrounding their diagnosis right away. Respect their boundaries and let them know you’re always available to listen and support whenever and however they need you.
What cancer can make you feel emotionally
Every response to a cancer diagnosis or treatment is valid and understandable. Some of the most common emotions include:
Your loved one may feel angry about their diagnosis, or blame themselves or others for their condition, leading to resentment and feelings of isolation.2 Understanding the various genetic and lifestyle factors (or in some cases, for no evident reason) – that contribute to cancer can help relieve this burden. Gently suggest looking into these factors or researching the stories of other people who developed cancer out of chance.2
These are understandable emotions, and trying to “solve” them for your loved one can feel frustrating. Instead, encourage your loved one to speak to their healthcare team for more accurate information, advice and reassurance about what the future may look like.3 You may also suggest reaching out to a mental health professional, like a counsellor or psychologist, to talk through their worries and feelings. Sharing the burden of these emotions is important – but your loved one may not feel able to do so with someone close to them in their everyday life.3 A professional is often more qualified, equipped and appropriate to provide them with the support they need.3
Some people may be unwilling to talk about or accept their condition.4 Give your loved one time and space to digest but remind them you’re always ready to talk if they need you. Others want to talk about their diagnosis repeatedly until it “sinks in”, so simply be present and listen to show your support.4
Grief often comes alongside a cancer diagnosis5 – grief for the life your loved one expected to live, grief for how the diagnosis affects them and the people in their life, grief around losing their identity and ability to do things they once loved. Some people want to be alone as they navigate these feelings, while others benefit from support.5
Ask your loved one what they need and honour their request. Rest the urge to be constantly positive and let your loved one cry or vent if they need.5 Avoid making them feel as though they need to hide their sadness or deal with it alone. If their deep sadness continues for over 2 weeks and you become concerned, suggest they reach out to a psychologist or health professional for support.5
What you can offer as emotional support
Wanting to remain positive and optimistic for your loved one is natural, but it’s also essential you give them space to express their full range of feelings.6 Reassure them that you’re always available to talk or help in whatever way they need.
While positivity can help your loved one cope and maintain hope, acknowledging their fear, uncertainty and sadness is equally important.6
Research shows that cancer patients who feel emotionally supported by friends and family experience a better quality of life, even in trying times.7 Instead of worrying about saying the wrong thing to your loved one, focusing on being open, honest, and caring will help you provide the support and comfort they need.7
Consider the following suggestions to show your loved one the emotional support they need:
- Express your feelings: If you feel awkward or unsure of what to do or say, tell your loved one. Allow them to tell you what they need and respect their wishes – even if you don’t fully understand them.1
- Physical comfort: Offer hugs or a gentle hand squeeze if they’re comfortable.
- Check in: Show you’re thinking of them – regularly call or text to check in and ask how their treatment is going or how they’re feeling.8
- Listen openly: Avoid judging and instead ask what your loved one needs before trying to “solve” any problems they share with you.1
- Be available: Regularly remind them you’re there to talk or listen – and deliver on your promise!8
- Respect their needs: Honour their requests for privacy, space or alone time.
- Ongoing support: Continue supporting your loved one even after they finish treatment.8
- Offer joy: You’re allowed to bring joy to your loved one’s life – share a joke or laugh when it’s appropriate, but don’t ignore the heavier feelings they’re experiencing.7
Try to avoid:
- Assumptions: Try not to assume or tell your loved one that you know how they feel.
- Pressure to stay positive: Avoid telling your loved one to stay strong or positive. This dismisses their true emotions and can make them feel they need to hide their feelings or navigate them alone.7
- Frustration: Resist getting annoyed or upset if they don’t want to talk. Try not to take it personally and remember you’re supporting them and their needs.7
- Unsolicited advice: Offer advice only when they ask for your help or opinion.
- Treating them like a “sick person”: Try to keep your relationship as normal as possible and remember who they are beyond their diagnosis. Talk to them about the same things you would normally, allowing them to be a person as well as a patient.7
- Comparisons: Avoid comparing their experience to others’ – even if you’re trying to be helpful and optimistic.7
Listening
When your loved one opens up to you, don’t feel the need to give them answers, solutions or advice. Often, just listening is the most helpful thing to do. If you’re unsure of what they need, ask them – and always check whether they want your opinions or advice before giving it.1
Be present, give them your full attention, and show you understand their feelings. If you’re uncomfortable or unsure what to say, don’t change the subject abruptly.7 Instead, share how you’re feeling. Equally, don’t try and tell them to stay positive or be happy if they cry or show sadness. Reassure them that all their emotions are valid, and you’re there for them no matter what.8
Remember, silence is completely fine – you don’t have to fill every pause. Give your loved one space to think and breathe without jumping in at every opportunity.7
Look your loved one in the eye as they’re talking, but don’t stare at them or make them feel scrutinised. If you’re not sure how to balance this, try going for a gentle walk side by side. This can help them feel more relaxed and open to sharing.7
Practical ways to help someone with cancer
There are many practical ways you can help your loved one, relieving some of the burden and stress they (or their primary carer, if this is someone other than you!) are feeling.
Small everyday actions that can make a difference
Dealing with cancer symptoms and treatment side effects can be exhausting. The last thing a cancer patient needs is to come home to all their regular chores and tasks they’re normally responsible for after a rough day of treatment or symptoms.
By helping with small, everyday tasks like:
- Cleaning
- Laundry
- Running errands, or
- Looking after pets and children,
you can take a lot of stress off your loved one’s shoulders.7
Pitching in with these small tasks can provide relief when your loved one is feeling fatigued.
Visit or keep in touch
After a long day in hospital or an emotionally taxing day, a visit from a family member or friend can make such a difference to your loved ones’ day.1 Drop in (after checking they’re okay for you to do so!) when you’re able, and try to pitch in with a household task or two while you’re there. Remember, cancer patients tend to feel fatigued quickly, so don’t overstay your welcome!1,9
If you can’t show up in person (or your loved one expresses they want to be alone), call or text to check in on how they’re feeling. Ask if you can help in any way and let them know you’re thinking of them!1 This small gesture can mean so much.
Providing transportation for cancer treatment
Offer to drive your loved one to and from treatments or appointments.7,9 Having a trusted, friendly face with them can provide comfort and relief, especially given the fear and anxiety many patients about these appointments. It gives them someone to talk to, provides a pleasant distraction, and helps them feel less alone.7,9
You can also help them fill prescriptions, keep track of medications, or take notes during appointments so they can focus on listening.9 Let your loved one feel they’re still in charge of their own care, while offering support and respecting their independence.9 Encourage them to tell you what support would be most useful and appreciated.
Preparing meals and nutrition
Cancer treatment often affects appetite, taste and digestion, which can make meal planning and cooking feel overwhelming and complicated. Help your loved one by preparing easy-to-eat, high- calorie and –protein meals and snacks, and ensure they have plenty of fluids on-hand to prevent dehydration.9
If their healthcare professional has recommended an Oral Nutritional Supplement (ONS), consider Fortisip®. Fortisip® is a ready-to-drink high-energy, high-protein oral nutrition supplement shake, formulated to help you meet your daily nutritional needs when your usual diet is not enough.10
We even have products specifically designed to address the taste and changes we know are experienced by up to 70% of cancer patients. Check out our Cool Red Fruits, Hot Tropical Ginger and Neutral flavours available in the Fortisip Compact Protein range.
Discover healthy recipes designed to nutritionally support cancer patients here.
If you’re short on time, consider ordering readily prepared meals or takeaway for your loved one – you’re still easing the mental load of cooking.
You can also help with grocery shopping, either in-person or online,7,9 so your loved one has a fully stocked fridge and cupboard with nutritious, nourishing ingredients to support their health during treatment. This also makes meal planning and cooking much more manageable.9
These practical ways of supporting your loved one can significantly ease their overwhelm and stress during this challenging time.
What to say (and what not to say) to someone with cancer
Supporting a loved one through cancer treatment can be challenging, especially when trying to find the “right” words. You want to be positive but not invalidating, provide humor and relief without overlooking the heavier emotions.12 If you’re unsure how to talk or act, it’s okay to voice your uncertainty. This shows your loved one that you’re trying and want to support them in whatever way they need.12
Be comforting and welcoming
When talking to a cancer patient, keep these suggestions in mind:
- Be careful not to dismiss any feelings or thoughts they express. Avoid telling them they “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, or “should” focus on something else.7,12
- Try not to compare their experience to anyone else’s, or say you understand exactly how they feel.7,12
- Avoid invalidating their struggles with platitudes like “Stay strong,” or “Be positive”. Only offer advice when asked.7
- Show empathy and validate any feelings they share. Make them feel safe to talk honestly and openly and reassure them that it’s a gift, not a burden, when they share their feelings.
- Ask what they need or want from you and how you can help. Be specific when offering support and ask open-ended questions like “How are you feeling?”
- Put their needs first and respect their wishes for privacy or alone time.12
DO say:
- “I’m here for you and want to support you however you need.”
- “Let me know how I can help you.”
- “Do you need someone to listen, or are you looking for my advice or opinion?”
- “How are you feeling?”
- “Is there anything I can do to ease your stress or burden?” (Be specific where possible, for example: “Can I help with your grocery shopping and cooking?” Or “Can I drive you to your next appointment?”)12
- “How you’re feeling is valid, normal, and completely understandable.”12
- “Thank you for sharing with me.”12
- “I understand if you don’t want to talk. But please know that if you change your mind, I’m always available and willing to listen.”
- “Can I find you some resources or support services to help you with [specific challenge]?”
DON’T say:
- “Stay strong and positive, you’ll be fine!”7,12
- “I heard about another person going through the same thing…”7
- “Don’t cry, it will be okay.”7
- “Try not to feel sad – focus on the positives.”7
- “I know exactly how you feel.”12
- “Don’t worry!”12
- “How long do you have left?”12
- You should [unsolicited advice].
Be present even if you have nothing to say
Sometimes you might have nothing to say. That’s okay – you don’t need to solve your loved one’s problems, fill every silence or attempt to brighten the mood.7 Just be present with them. Sit together, watch a movie, go for a walk, give them a hug and listen attentively when they want to talk.7 Show up and be consistent. Your presence may be more valuable than any words you could offer.
Try to avoid toxic positivity
‘Toxic positivity’ means adopting a constant and unhelpful “positive” attitude towards any situation. Like when someone tells you to “stay positive” when you’re going through something difficult or reminds you “Everything happens for a reason” in a terrible time.
This can minimise a person’s feelings, making them feel invalidated and unheard. It dismisses any “negative” emotions, insisting they stay positive regardless of the reality of the situation, and makes them feel they must hide their genuine thoughts.
Try to stay optimistic but realistic.7 Validate any emotions and thoughts your loved one shares with you and remind them they’re not alone.7,12 Instead of telling them to “look on the bright side”, try saying “That must be really tough, but I’m here to support you,” or “I think many people in your situation would feel the same,” or even, “I’m sorry you’re going through that.”7,12
Taking care of yourself as a carer
While it’s natural for carers of cancer patients to prioritise the needs of your loved one, it’s important you don’t neglect your own.1 This can lead to carer burnout, making it harder to support your loved one fully. Here are some tips to ensure you’re also taking care of yourself:
- Self-care practices: Take breaks without feeling guilty, maintain healthy sleep and exercise routines, eat nutritious meals, spend time doing activities you love, and connect with your own friends and family.1,8
- Emotional support: Consider seeking emotional support from a therapist or support group.8 You’re not alone in finding it overwhelming to support someone you love through this difficult time. Pay attention to your own feelings and needs, and connect with others in similar situations through support groups or initiatives, to help you feel less isolated.1
What support is available for me as a carer?
Being a carer can be stressful and demanding. Reach out to family, friends, and healthcare professionals for support, and share the load where you can.1,8
Here are some online and phone support services and groups dedicated to carers:
- Carer Gateway: A government-funded program offering free emotional and practical support services for carers, funded by the Australian government.13
- Carers’ Circle: Provides information and support for carers of ageing parents.14
- Young Carers Network: Directs young carers (up to age 25) to useful information, support services, financial assistance and places to share and connect with others in similar positions.15
What financial support is available for me as a carer?
There are several Centrelink initiatives providing financial support for carers:
Carer Allowance – You may be eligible for financial support if you care for someone with a disability or medical condition, or is frail aged, and has required daily help for 12+ months.16
Find out more about eligibility requirements and the financial assistance available here.
Carer Payment – You may be able to access financial assistance if you’ve provided constant care for a significant portion of each day to someone for 6+ months or are caring for someone approaching the end of their life. Their care requirements must leave you unable to work full-time.17
Learn more about the eligibility criteria here.
Services Australia can help verify whether you’re eligible for these financial assistance packages.16,17
Additional resources and cancer support services
Looking for further support or resources? Reach out to the following organisations:
Carers Australia
Website: https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/
Carers Australia works to support the health and wellbeing of carers, advocating for initiatives, services and policies to improve the lives of carers and help ensure their financial security, and mental and physical health.18 They recognise the powerful unpaid contribution of carers and aim to deliver initiatives to ensure carers’ needs are prioritised too.18
Cancer Council Australia
Website: https://www.cancer.org.au
Phone: 13 11 20
Cancer Council Australia provides information, counselling and practical and emotional support to everyone affected by cancer – including carers.19 They offer specialised support to help you navigate cancer alongside your loved one, including a confidential phone line you can reach out to for help or information, resources and workshops, and practical assistance such as financial aid and advice, treatment transport services and digital resources to help you feel informed throughout every stage of the cancer journey.19
Cancer Australia
Website: https://www.canceraustralia.gov.au
Cancer Australia aims to reduce the impact of cancer on all Australians affected, and address disparities in care among disadvantaged communities (including Indigenous Australians) to improve outcomes for all people impacted by cancer in Australia.20 They provide information and resources, and comprehensive guides to help navigate different experiences and stages of the cancer journey for both patients and carers.20
WeCan
Website: https://wecan.org.au
This organisation helps those affected by cancer to access whatever information, resources and support services are needed following a cancer diagnosis.21
Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre
Website: https://www.petermac.org
Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre provides comprehensive cancer care, including information and resources, as well as emotional and practical support services for patients and their families.22 This includes initiatives aimed at helping patients manage rehabilitation and life after cancer.22
You may also benefit from counselling or therapy.1,23 Caring for someone with cancer is a demanding and ongoing process, which can require a lot both emotionally and physically.23 Professional support may help you manage any stress and emotions while helping you take better care of yourself along the way.1
Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes as you care for your loved one – you’re constantly adjusting to new challenges and learning along the way.23 Be kind to yourself and recognise that the contributions you make each day are deeply appreciated and impactful.1,8,23
Fortisip is a food for special medica purposes and must be used under medical supervision.
References
1 – Cancer Council Australia. Caring for someone with cancer [Internet]. [cited 2025 May 01]. Available from: https://www.cancer.org.au/caring-for-someone-with-cancer
2 – Cancer Research UK. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 28]. Available from: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/mental-health-cancer/how-cancer-make-you-feel/guilt-blame-anger
3 – Cancer Research UK. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 29]. Available from: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/mental-health-cancer/how-cancer-make-you-feel/fear-anxiety-panic/how-cope-fear-anxiety-panic
4 – Cancer Research UK. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 27]. Available from: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/mental-health-cancer/how-cancer-make-you-feel/shock-denial
5 – Cancer Research UK. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 26]. Available from: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/mental-health-cancer/how-cancer-make-you-feel/coping-with-sadness
6 – Cancer Council Australia. Caring for someone with cancer [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 28]. Available from: https://www.cancer.org.au/assets/pdf/caring-for-someone-with-cancer-booklet
7 – Cancer Research UK. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 28]. Available from: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/family-friends-caregivers/how-support-someone-with-cancer
8 – Healthdirect Australia. Caring for someone with cancer [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 30]. Available from: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/caring-for-someone-with-cancer
9 – MD Anderson Cancer Center. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 26]. Available from: https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/19-ways-to-help-someone-during-cancer-treatment.h00-159223356.html
10 – Hickman I, et al. Evidence based practice guidelines for the nutritional management of malnutrition in adult patients across the continuum of care. Nutr Diet. 2009;66:S1–34.
11 – Food Standards Australia New Zealand. Schedule 4 – Nutrition, health and related claims [Internet]. Canberra: FSANZ; [cited 2025 April 30]. Available from: https://www.foodstandards.gov.au/business/labelling/nutrition-health-and-related-claims
12 – Cancer Council Victoria. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 27]. Available from: https://www.cancervic.org.au/get-support/stories/what-to-say-and-not-say.html
13 – Carer Gateway. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 26]. Available from: https://www.carergateway.gov.au/
14 – Young Carers Network. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 26]. Available from: https://youngcarersnetwork.com.au/
15 – Carers Circle. [Internet]. [cited 2025 May 01]. Available from: https://carerscircle.com.au/
16 – Services Australia. [Internet]. [cited 2025 May 03]. Available from: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/carer-allowance
17 – Services Australia. [Internet]. [cited 2025 May 02]. Available from: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/who-can-get-carer-payment?context=21816
18 – Carers Australia. [Internet]. [cited 2025 May 01]. Available from: https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/
19 – Cancer Council Australia. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 26]. Available from: https://www.canceraustralia.gov.au/
20 – Cancer Australia. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 20]. Available from: https://www.canceraustralia.gov.au/
21 – WeCan. [Internet]. [cited 2025 May 26]. Available from: https://wecan.org.au/
22 – Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre. [Internet]. [cited 2025 May 01]. Available from: https://www.petermac.org/
23 – Cancer Research UK. [Internet]. [cited 2025 April 26]. Available from: https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/family-friends-caregivers/taking-care-of-yourself
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