Coping and Dealing with a Cancer Diagnosis

Expressing emotions and being honest with yourself

Everyone responds differently when they’re first diagnosed with cancer. Any emotions, thoughts and reactions you experience during this time are normal and understandable.¹ You may feel many emotions at one time, with most people experiencing a combination of fear, anger, helplessness, uncertainty, sadness, denial, guilt and frustration.¹

Take the time to process however you’re feeling at your own pace and avoid expecting yourself to move on quickly.²

If you’re initially distressed and consumed by strong emotions, this may interfere with your ability to properly process the information you’re receiving, or make important decisions you’re presented with.^2,3 At the time of diagnosis, you’re often expected to make big decisions about your treatment options and future plans, which can be difficult to do rationally if your judgement is clouded by emotion.²

If you’re feeling this way, talk to your doctor or healthcare team. They can answer any questions you have and share their knowledge about your diagnosis, treatment and recovery to help you make more informed, considered decisions.¹ With many cancer treatments constantly improving, learning more about your illness and treatment plan may provide some calm and relief from your initial panic.^1-3

How a cancer diagnosis affects your life 

Cancer impacts all areas of your life, and it can take some time to adjust to your new reality.² You may also need to adapt to the impacts of your illness on your loved ones.

While cancer patients who channel more optimism and hope about their future have been shown to better adapt to their new circumstances, it’s equally important to avoid focusing only on positivity.⁴ Fear, uncertainty and sadness are warranted and appropriate responses to your diagnosis too,⁴ so ensure you’re making space for all emotions – the good and the “bad” – so you can properly process your diagnosis and how you’re feeling about it.²

Some people respond to a cancer diagnosis with emotional numbness, meaning they don’t immediately react or display emotion.⁴ It can feel too confronting or overwhelming to accept this information and the potential changes it will mean for your life, so it’s an understandable reaction. You may need time to sit with the meaning and implications of your diagnosis before you’re able to understand how you feel about it.⁴ If you’re struggling to process your illness, or you’re worried you’re stuck in a state of numbness, strategies like deep breathing, journalling and talking to loved ones may help you identify your true feelings and understand how to cope with them.^1,3,4

There are several stages of emotional adjustment you may need to navigate through after receiving a cancer diagnosis. These won’t necessarily occur in order, and you may find yourself regressing or switching back and forth between several stages:

Find the right people to support you 

Everyone responds differently when they’re first diagnosed with cancer. Any emotions, thoughts and reactions you experience during this time are normal and understandable.¹ You may feel many emotions at one time, with most people experiencing a combination of fear, anger, helplessness, uncertainty, sadness, denial, guilt and frustration.¹

Take the time to process however you’re feeling at your own pace and avoid expecting yourself to move on quickly.²

If you’re initially distressed and consumed by strong emotions, this may interfere with your ability to properly process the information you’re receiving, or make important decisions you’re presented with.^2,3 At the time of diagnosis, you’re often expected to make big decisions about your treatment options and future plans, which can be difficult to do rationally if your judgement is clouded by emotion.²

If you’re feeling this way, talk to your doctor or healthcare team. They can answer any questions you have and share their knowledge about your diagnosis, treatment and recovery to help you make more informed, considered decisions.¹ With many cancer treatments constantly improving, learning more about your illness and treatment plan may provide some calm and relief from your initial panic.^1-3

Developing a strong support system is essential after receiving a cancer diagnosis. Some people feel alone with their illness, or don’t want to burden those close to them by talking about their struggles, but you never have to cope by yourself.^1,3,4 Having a solid support network is a crucial element of looking after your mental and emotional health, as well as your physical health. Here are some places and people you can seek support from.

How to tell a family member about your diagnosis

Telling family members and loved ones about your cancer diagnosis can be difficult. You may feel uncomfortable sharing the truth, concerned about your family’s reaction, scared of upsetting or worrying your loved ones, or afraid the diagnosis will become more “real” once others know about it too.¹

While you never have to share with people if you don’t want to or feel ready, it can be really helpful to have those close to you understand what you’re navigating.^1,3,4 It allows them to support you and makes you feel less alone.

Here are some practical strategies to help you break the news to the people in your life.

• How you approach the conversation should depend on who you’re sharing with.¹ For example, you’d tell family or friends your news very differently to how you’d broach the topic with an employer.¹ Your loved ones are likely to respond with greater emotion, fear and concern, and may want to be involved and support you however they can. Whereas you might have a more formal, practical conversation with an employer, outlining the basic details of your condition and whatever you need from your workplace to support you during this time.
• Go slowly. You don’t have to tell everyone right away. Resist feeling pressured or obligated to share.¹ Once you’ve told a few close people and you’re adequately supported, you can be more selective about who else you tell, and at what time.

• Establish boundaries. You don’t need to share every detail of your diagnosis at any stage.¹ Some people prefer to share a few details at a time, finding it easier to open up gradually, while others choose to keep details to a minimum throughout their cancer battle. Take things at your own pace.
  If you’re feeling uneasy or uncomfortable with someone’s questions or responses, bring the conversation to a close.¹ Saying, “That’s all I’d like to share for now, thanks for understanding,” or, “I feel like I’ve shared as much as I’m capable of for today. Maybe we can revisit another time,” is a compassionate and warm way of setting a boundary, without requiring confrontation.

• Find a quiet time and place. Choose somewhere away from distractions where you feel calm and comfortable, and where your loved one can express their thoughts or emotions without feeling they need to “rein it in” or hide their distress.^1,4

• Get ready for questions. They will come – sometimes fast. Answer with as much detail as you choose, and remember they’re coming from a place of concern, love and care. However, that doesn’t mean you have to answer every question that comes your way!^1,3,4 Only share as much information as you feel comfortable with.

• Ask for help. Tell people what kind of support would be most beneficial during your cancer journey.^1,3,6-8 Those close to you will likely want to be involved however they can, so take them up on their offer! Tell them specifically how they can help you through this time – whether it’s in practical or emotional ways. This gives your loved ones a sense of purpose and control, while also taking something off your own plate. You can and should accept help – you don’t have to navigate this illness alone.⁸

• Your loved ones may need time to adjust to your diagnosis too.^1,3,8 Just as you experienced a wide range of emotions after receiving the news, your family and friends might also feel scared, upset, uncertain and concerned. They’ll learn how to cope over time, but don’t take it personally if their initial response isn’t what you’d hoped for.

If your family members are struggling to process or talk about your diagnosis, encourage them to speak to a psychologist or counsellor.¹ You can also bring them along to an appointment with your doctor or healthcare team, giving them the chance to ask questions, understand your condition, and accept the reality of your illness.¹

How do I tell my children about my cancer treatment? 

If you have children, you may feel hesitant about sharing your diagnosis with them. People are often unsure whether children will fully understand their illness, or worry about scaring them.¹⁰ However, children can normally sense something is wrong – even if they may not know exactly what it is.^1,10 For many children, the unease and uncertainty of not knowing can be harder to cope with than the truth.¹⁰ By sharing your diagnosis, you give them the chance to ask questions, express their feelings, and be involved in your cancer journey.¹⁰

With that said, there are a few things to consider when telling your children about your cancer:

• The way you explain your illness and the amount of detail you share with your kids will depend on their age and level of understanding.¹ Keep things simple and factual and avoid jumping to worst-case scenarios.^1,10 Equally, don’t feel as though you must appear entirely positive and happy – it’s okay for your children to recognise you’re worried and upset. Crying or showing you’re sad communicates that it’s okay and safe for your kids to express their feelings too.¹⁰

• Reassure your children that your condition isn’t anyone’s fault – not theirs, and not yours.¹ You may need to regularly remind them that they’ve not done anything wrong, as many children experience guilt for quite some time after receiving similar news.¹⁰

• If you feel you can’t have this conversation with your kids yourself, ask for help from a relative or doctor.^1,10

• Prepare for the conversation beforehand. There are resources and support available online to help you, or you can talk to a psychologist or healthcare professional to help you explain the situation in a way your kids will understand.¹⁰ This also ensures you’re looking after yourself. Telling your children about your diagnosis can be a challenging, taxing part of your cancer journey, so you might need some extra support as you do so.¹⁰

• Take your time. You don’t have to share every detail at once with your kids. Start with the basic details and decide when they’re ready to know more later on.¹⁰

• If you don’t know the answer to a question, “I don’t know” is a perfectly valid response.¹⁰ Don’t make up answers or provide false reassurances when you’re unsure yourself. If your children are dissatisfied with this response, tell them you’ll look into their questions and get back to them later – after you’ve had time to do your research, or think carefully about how you want to respond.¹⁰

• Explain how your diagnosis might affect your children’s daily lives or routines.¹⁰ Encourage them to ask questions, so you know whether they understand the information you’ve given them. Ask how they’re feeling or if they’re worried about anything.¹⁰

• Remind your children they’ll be loved and looked after, no matter what.¹⁰ Have the conversation at their level (try sitting on the floor together or similar) and show affection if you’re both comfortable, hugging them or gently squeezing their hand throughout and afterwards.¹⁰

• Check in with them often after the conversation, too.¹⁰ Don’t just pretend everything is normal and carry on with regular life. They’ll likely come up with new thoughts, feelings and questions all the time, so give them the opportunity to share these with you. Help them recognise they’re “allowed” to acknowledge the reality of your diagnosis, and that talking about it won’t upset you.¹⁰

Facing the reality of your diagnosis and coping strategies for it 

While you may initially feel tempted to avoid or ignore your illness, understanding your diagnosis,^5,6 the treatment it requires, and what the future may hold can be empowering and useful. The more you know, the more considered your decisions will be, meaning you’re less likely to make choices out of panic, desperation or emotion.¹

Deal in the facts with your cancer diagnosis 

Some people find comfort or reassurance in equipping themselves with as much information, research and knowledge about their condition as possible.^1,2,4 Understanding your diagnosis and treatment plan can help you feel more secure about the future.^1,2 Ask your healthcare team as many questions as possible and seek out evidence-based, reliable research sources.^1,4

Prepare in advance for your appointments with your doctor or healthcare team, writing down any questions you have so your concerns can all be addressed.^1,10 While it may be tempting to leave the details to your healthcare team, asking the hard questions can help you avoid catastrophising, making assumptions or letting your mind run wild with “worst-case scenarios”.⁸ This can help you feel more prepared for the future, better understand your options and illness, and avoid the anxiety that often comes with uncertainty.^4,8

Consider asking your doctor and healthcare team the following questions to start:

• What stage of cancer do I have?

• What are my treatment options?

• What are the side effects I might experience with treatment?

• How should I prepare for treatment?

• How can I optimise my quality of life throughout treatment?

• Are there any lifestyle or dietary changes I need to make?

• Where can I get additional mental and emotional support during this time?

• What symptoms can I expect in the future?

You can also keep a symptom journal to track any changes in your symptoms and take this to your appointments to discuss with your doctor.⁸ While you may not notice small day-to-day changes, recording your daily experiences can help identify trends over time. This allows your healthcare team to address any symptoms that are causing you problems and act on anything they’re worried about.

While information is power, it does matter where you get your information from!⁸ As tempting as it can be to type your questions and symptoms into Doctor Google or AI platforms, this is not the way to go. It’s a one-way ticket to panic, fear and confusion, with the “answers” you’re given filled with fear-mongering content with minimal (if any!) fact. Instead, go to reputable sources like peer-reviewed journals, reliable organisations and government bodies for more accurate information.^1,4,8

You can access resources, education and support from organisations including Cancer Council, Cancer Australia, and you can find further links to support organisations tailored to whatever stage of the cancer journey you’re navigating at Nutricia’s Cancer Hub.

Maintain a healthy lifestyle 

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle may help to improve your quality of life as you battle cancer and undergo treatment. Nutrition, exercise and lifestyle strategies can help you manage common side effects of cancer treatment like loss of appetite, nausea and fatigue, and may allow you to feel more like yourself during this time.⁸

Try the following strategies:

Coping Toolbox: effectively coping with a cancer diagnosis 

A “coping toolbox” is a combination of strategies you can draw upon to help you physically and mentally navigate the ups and downs of your cancer journey. There is no “right” way of coping, and the tools in your own toolbox will be unique to your situation, personality, and previous experiences.¹⁵ Having a range of tools to choose from can allow you to feel better equipped, more comfortable, in-control, prepared and supported in any situation.^1,15

Try adding these strategies to your coping toolbox to support your physical and mental wellbeing: